well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
