I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
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in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize