whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
