Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
