this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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