i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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