My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
