Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize
