i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
