I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
