nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
