Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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