My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
There r osticjed everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize