Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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