I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
