Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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