you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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