OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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