People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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