You just made me feel so damn special
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
