When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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