I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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