Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
