He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
