I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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