I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
