I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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