so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Randomize
