ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
