You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
