This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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