Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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