I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
