just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
