My Higher Power is John Stamos
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Randomize