At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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