I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
