two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
