i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
