hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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