I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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