no, he came in my armpit
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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