Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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