Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
