dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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