I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
