Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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