Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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