I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
