I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
