chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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