I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
