One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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