Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
