Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
