I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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