Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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