Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
