I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
