It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
