you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Enjoy the penises
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
